Who would care? Would anyone even notice? Why am I even alive? After all, I don’t have a husband or kids. Would anyone even care if I died? I remember vividly having these thoughts while driving home from a night of “looking for love in all the wrong places”. Thankfully, it didn’t become a permanent state in my life. Within a year, I felt Jesus wooing me back to Him to return to the way I had known Him before as my Savior. When I discovered that He had never left me, that it was me who had turned away, I went running into his arms. I realized I did have a reason to be alive!
To share the joy of God’s love and mercy with others, I began to choose to obey God, to remain pure and to wait for Him to bring me to my husband, as I served Him. And He did just that! God brought a man into my life, who loved me for who I was, not for any of my works, just as God loves me. And though we married, I always kept this question in the back of my mind: will he TRULY love me, in spite of my past? The good news is that he has!
But the real problem was that I didn’t truly accept God’s love and acceptance of me and rejoice in it, in spite of His forgiveness. I continued to drift back on ugly thoughts, and memories of my past sinful and careless actions. This way of thinking always brought me back to trying to work my own way to achieve God’s forgiveness.
Deep in my heart, I longed to know: Is there ANYONE in the church that I can share this with? Anyone who will understand? It was then I discovered that Women’s Ministries was sponsoring a class for Sexual Healing; I eagerly jumped in. As I participated in the class (and continue to co-lead it) I have discovered that the Bible explains clearly how Jesus sees me. As His pure virgin bride. I have also discovered that sex is a gift from God for marriage alone that He expects us to delight in. I have been able to accept His forgiveness for unwrapping His gift before marriage, and have also accepted the renewal of that gift to be used in my marriage. Now I look forward to sharing this healing process with others who have walked the same path, thought the same thoughts and are ready to accept the perfect gift from Jesus. My life has forever been redirected as I enjoy God’s forgiveness and mercy.
Mindy Sames serves Women of Trinity as a co-leader for both the Sexual Healing Bible Study and a small group in Monday Night Bible Study.